A Rozy View on Life

I am John Rozelle, hear me ROAR like a dinosaur!

Friday, May 18, 2007

"Xtreme Hammocking" but only because it was Xtremely awkward

There I was enjoying the beautiful day. Gorgeous park (the largest in Europe), sun shining, deer feeding nearby, an incredibly pleasant conversation having just ended. And to top things off, a hammock. Old Faithful, I will call her. Just me, Old Faithful, and sheer bliss. I was spending a moment or two in prayer prior to delving into a delectable read. Then I sensed an interruption.
My spideysense alerted me that a passerby was indeed passing by my haven of heavenliness. His name was Timothy, and he was a bit surprised to see a "human body" in the hammock. Not really sure what he was expecting, but it seemed this was his first encounter with a hammock. Timothy was about 65, Irish, and seemed to be a nice gentleman.
We exchanged pleasantries and Timothy stood near the hammock, gently rocking it as we spoke. We came to an awkward silence in the conversation and I half supposed he would be leaving. Instead he stayed there rocking the hammock. To make things more awkward (try to picture the physics) I am laying in the hammock, Timothy is standing next to me, rocking Old Faithful. My face is at approximately Timothy's crotch level and any discrepancy that exists is continually removed by the rocking of the hammock. Back and forth and back and forth. Yeah, awkward.
We resume the conversation slightly and then Timothy and I say our farewells. "Well, that wasn't too bad," I think to myself. Oh, optimism. The awkwardness prevails and Timothy remains. "Hadn't we just parted ways?" I ponder. To solidify my interpretation, I stare off in the distance, still at Timothy's crotch level, but looking the other way. This should help convey that my part of the conversation is over.
I forgot to mention that throughout the exchange of ideas, Timothy gradually gets moves closer and closer toward the side of the hammock that my head is somewhat awkwardly resting on. I needn't explain the consequences of this.
Awkward, uncomfortable, suspicious, and pondering the lack of efficiency in curtailing the conversation. I really can't handle any more of this ominous rocking. It's like in the Edgar Allen Poe's The Pit and the Pendulum, the pendulum getting closer and closer, building suspense until it makes contact. I wasn't prepared to stick around long enough for this to occur.
"I'm going to read now," I plainly stated. It was clear. And Timothy left.
Once I determined Timothy was beyond ear-shot, I erupted into laughter. Just me, Old Faithful, and laughter coming from the blue hammock containing a human body. I laughed for quite a while, partially from inability to deal with the awkwardness I had just experienced and partially in joyful expectation of being able to share it with you. May you find some sort of strange entertainment in the 5-10 minutes I spent in discomfort, and enjoy those briefs moments of bliss in life-you never know when they'll be interrupted by a 65 year old Irish man.


  • At 9:36 PM, Blogger Andy said…

    I love that laugh that is completely uncontrollable from some extremely awkward situation. And man, I just wish I was there with my crotch on the other side of the hammock across from Timothy.


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