A Rozy View on Life

I am John Rozelle, hear me ROAR like a dinosaur!

Saturday, September 16, 2006

The airline gods must be crazy...Part 2

There I am at the Denver International Airport, in line for my Frankfurt flight. Then my name gets called on the loud speaker to approach the desk. “I bet they couldn’t fit me in coach and had to bump me up to first class,” I though to myself.
Turns out the flight had been double-booked and I was the passenger that was selected to receive a later flight. How thoughtful. Upon asking the customer service desk attendant about the next possible flight and hotel accommodations for the night in Denver, the response was less than ideal. No flights in the near future and no hotels to put me in. Bad combination. So she decides to send me to Washington/Dulles Airport to receive lodging and get a Frankfurt flight the following day at 6pm. Whatever.
Upon arriving in Washington D.C., the customer service desk attendant hands me a voucher for a discounted hotel stay. Notice that I did not say “Complimentary Stay,” but merely a discounted price. I suppose they thought they made up for my hassle by giving me an extra flight from Denver to Washinton. She then said that the voucher was really worthless, since all the hotels were full anyway. Upon this encouragement, she offered me a blanket to keep my warm while I slept in the airport. I hate to be selfish, but spending the night in an airport after a day of travel and preceding an even longer day of travel overseas, this solution was not acceptable in my sight. I asked for the assistance of a supervisor and received directions.
The new customer service agent/”supervisor” makes arrangements for me to stay at the Hilton (compliments of the airline) and to be picked up by the Hilton shuttle. Upon arrival of the shuttle, and after accepting three pilots and another customer, the driver denies me permission to board the craft and claims that his hotel is completely full. Not exactly the response I had desired, particularly considering that the local time was 1am. We exchanged a few words, none violent or inappropriate, and parted ways.
Another visit to yet another customer service representative ensured my reservation and called the shuttle service to demand they not deny my entry and safe passage.
Shuttle #2. Everything went smoothly.
As I entered the Hilton, I realized this might be the nicest hotel I had ever been in. The desk attendant stated that my room did not have a shower, but I was free to use the fitness room showers in the morning. “What kind of Hilton is this?!” I quietly pondered. Free is free, I suppose.
Turns out my room lacked yet another lodging accessory, a pillow. At least I had towels in the bathroom (not sure why, considering there was no bathing apparatus) to use as a pillow……I was a cub scout once.
It appeared the reason my room had no shower was that I was staying in the presidential suite. A pleasant surprise. Although I must admit I think I would have preferred a shower over huge 2 story window wall and excessive mirrors. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy looking at myself, but what I enjoy even more is looking at myself when I am clean and showered.
In the morning I traverse over to the fitness center. Not to improve my physique, but to improve personal hygiene. The stairs to the locker room shower are gated off, truly not a surprise considering my recent luck. After searching for an employee and attempting to come to some sort of solution, I am again redirected to the main desk, at which point I am issued another key to another room to make use of its shower facilities. Let me tell you, this shower was saaweet. Glass door, a built-in tile seat in the shower (for those who find showering a strenuous activity-I opted to stand, considering my recent visit to the fitness center which lacked any sort of physical activity), and two shower heads.
After improving my declining cleanliness, I put on my one day old clothes (and socks) and began yet another day (or two) of intercontinental travel.
I made use of my free food vouchers and entered the dining facility. Based on dress and overall appearance, I was the only person there in the full-time Christian ministry. Who would have thought that, in the Hilton?
So, wondering what delectable tastiness I should order in this fine establishment, I opted for that which would not contradict my current economic status. A hamburger and french fries. Don’t worry, in order to blend in to my surroundings I ate my hamburger with a fork and knife. But only half of it. I then followed my meal with a tasty cappuccino and began planning for the upcoming year in Croatia.
Washington/Dulles Airport. It would seem silly to expect smooth sailing at any point in my journey. The first question asked of me was in regard to me considering taking a different flight to Frankfurt the following day, for the sum of $600-$700. Although quite appealing, I opted to get to Europe as soon as possible, in light of my already tardy arrival. The attendant questioned my travel plans and excessive amount of boarding passes displaying different times, days, and locations. Another attendant asked for my receipt for the purchase of extra baggage, to which I could offer no such evidence. I was then forced to pay the necessary amount and eventually was let free.
My boarding pass had been stamped with multiple “SSSS”s, which I suspect stands for “Systematically Search his Suspicious Self.” I was led to an elite line of customers awaiting security check. Passengers ahead of me were individually led into a private room to receive a special security check. Needless to say, I feared the worst….the rubber glove.
Once again special providence was given, and I was led through a series of somewhat normal, yet more thorough security checks. No significant issues arose. I now wait in the Frankfurt airport, curious to the normalcy of the remainder of my trip…….


  • At 2:20 PM, Anonymous Jody said…

    I am so sorry about your horrendous trip to Croatia. I hope that you're greeted in Croatia with love. At least Satan can't get the best of you. You have a great sense of humor!

  • At 9:01 PM, Blogger Matt Mikalatos said…

    I have yet to receive any real communication confirming that you are, indeed, in Croatia.

    I am wondering if I will return home from Mexico tomorrow to find you on my front porch.

  • At 10:17 PM, Anonymous Carolyn said…

    You are keeping us in terrible suspense... did you make this up?

  • At 10:32 PM, Anonymous Kevin said…

    I can't believe you didn't take the $700 and stay another night in the Hilton. I would have loved to have read "The airline gods must be crazy ... Part 3." Are you hanging at Pizza Cut yet? Let us know!

  • At 5:37 AM, Blogger Taylor said…

    Just to let you caring people know, John is indeed in Croatia. He arrived, with a little more story to tell... he can post about that though.

  • At 8:16 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I'm a little baffled that this incredible series of events didn't make its way into our conversation this morning! No wonder you weren't impressed with my story about Justin sleeping on the terrace...

  • At 3:04 PM, Blogger Bryon Scharenberg said…

    I'm pretty positive that the Lord put all this together so that you would write the sweetest blog post ever and so I would read it and laugh hysterically on my sunday afternoon.

    Thanks Jesus for putting John through this. You're really thoughtful of me to give me a good laugh. Amen.

  • At 8:00 AM, Blogger The Fritz's said…

    You know John, I never really thought you were to funny, but I guess you could get credit for this. As everyone else, I hope you make it to Croatia in 1-2 pieces.

  • At 8:00 AM, Blogger The Fritz's said…

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.


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