A Rozy View on Life

I am John Rozelle, hear me ROAR like a dinosaur!

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Oh, the Carnage (The Battle of Swiss Roll Mountain)

(Children, please don't try this at home)
I decided to take matters into my own hands and prepare an arrangement that would allow me to dispose of many ants at once. This very uncovert operation is known by the name of "The Battle of Swiss Roll Mountain."
Operation Swiss Roll is based on the saying, "All is fair in love and war." Since this is a war, I feel no guilt in using underhanded measures to rid my residence of unwanted intruders. Knowing that my ants have an affection toward chocolate chip bread, I decided to use another tasty bread product, a chocolate swiss roll, to entice the army out to fight. And by "fight," I mean to be completely slaughtered without a chance of retaliation.
I placed a piece of swiss roll on a plate and sprinkled it with sugar to get the attention of the little warriors. Pete even went to the extent of taping the plate down to the paper in order to grant them easier access to the roll (for our own purposes, of course).

the bait
I also made a little tape bridge leading up to the cake because it made it feel more like a medieval castle. I then placed pieces of chocolate on the bridge to lure them to the cake roll.

the bridge
I left the bait unattended for about 40 minutes and returned to about 40 ants carrying the booty away. I admit my amazement as I watched these tiny creatures carrying chocolate pieces five times their size. I looked upon them, impressed by their strength and teamwork. I admit it, I admired them.

strong lil' buggers
For a moment I considered relenting from my wrath. Then I thought that many must have admired certain characteristics of Hitler and his ability to command so many followers. This doesn't mean the war efforts against him should have ceased, and so I followed suit.
I left the roll unattended for about another hour, hoping that new recruits would appear and I would have the opportunity to demolish even more of the intruders. To my disappointment, the numbers remained similar. Out of optimism, I left once again for about 30 minutes.
the anticipation of battle
Upon arrival, general estimates showed about 50 ants in the vicinity of the cake, and General Hrvatski decided he could wait no longer.

the army (white paper used for contrast)
The Battle commenced, and many soldiers lost their lives. Any scouts that came to examine the battle or carry off their dead were immediately shot on sight. Pete acted as the scout and I the sniper. He would alert me to new targets, which would immediately be met with a flame of hairspray.

My little ant friends, you did not accept my previous warning. Consider this a display of my utter seriousness regarding your presence in my kitchen. You are not welcome here, and the death toll will continue to rise until you raise the white flag.


  • At 5:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    A flame of hairspray? Oooh, that's pretty hardcore. By the way, is the hairspray yours or Pete's?

  • At 8:38 AM, Blogger Matt Mikalatos said…

    Hey. Let's see some pictures.

  • At 4:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    oh my gosh john those pictures are so funny! i especially like the one where the hairspray looks like a blowtorch. and i have to confess - i thought you were over-reacting for dramatic purposes, but those truly are some serious ants. the ants we had in barbados were just tiny little sugar ants you could squash with your pinky finger. nice job capturing all that on film and finally figuring out how to post it to blogger.

  • At 4:22 PM, Blogger John Rozelle said…

    I can not take the credit for posting pictures and neither can Blogger. Taylor donloaded a program for me and showed me how to do it. She is computer savvy. The ant invasion continues, and I hope to update the general public soon.


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