A Rozy View on Life

I am John Rozelle, hear me ROAR like a dinosaur!

Friday, June 30, 2006

The Aftermath

So, it turns out ants are not as smart as they are strong and diligent. The day following the Battle of Swiss Roll Mountain it appeared the ants had not learned their lesson. Once again, they forcefully entered their way into my kitchen in hopes of making off with my food. Not a good idea. (Although I do admit I left the Swiss Roll out in hopes of enticing more soldiers, hehe).
I confess my lack of creativity, but hold fast to my persistence and consistency. A war waged, very similar to that of Swiss Roll Mountain, but this time involving more team work and less strategy. The lighter and hairspray proved effective and I saw no reason to change the method. Luckily, Pete and Taylor were both interested in exacting revenge on the little thieves.
Although the hairspray is toxic for Taylor, this is the price she was willing to pay to join the war efforts.

Doesn't she look so lady-like as she kills the little intruders?
Pete was also interested in having his hand in the front lines. As you can see, it was not difficult to get him to join in the battle.

I actually think a new Pete was born that day. I can not be held responsible for his new desire to wage war on ants worldwide.
With all this said, 63 ants lost thier lives in The Aftermath. My little ant fiends, when will you learn that this is not a game?

Thursday, June 29, 2006

A Conversation

John: "So what did you do today?"
Francine: "I went on a 32 mile bike ride."
John: "That's cool. A couple days ago I jumped on one of those big trampolines for five minutes where they hook you into bungy cords so you can jump really high and do flips. My abs are still killing me."
"Oh, the Carnage" has now been updated with pictures. Please do enjoy.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

I hate to bite the hand that feeds me, but I'll do it anyways

I now wish to express my dissatisfaction with Blogger. I have been trying to add pictures to my previous posts for quite some time now, and all efforts have been thwarted. I admit my inability to understand anything technological or computer related, but pictures on previous posts lend towards my credibility of not being the guilty party in this circumstance. I can no longer live with this frustration burning deep inside. Thank you for allowing me to vent and I appreciate your patience with lack of photographic evidence of my posts. Not that you think I would actually make any of this stuff up.

Redemption

Tonight I played soccer with Croatians and Americans of my own age. No 10 year olds this time. Well, at least not until the last 30 minutes of the game, and she was on my team.
Of course the Croatians are much more skilled in the art of soccer, as it is source of national pride. The redemption comes into play by the fact that even though I was playing against people of my own age (and superior soccer skills), I was able to score two goals. Yes Mom, all that soccer playing through highschool payed off.
As is customary, the Croatians had a typical halftime and post-game break, consiting of water and cigarettes. Gotta love Croatian soccer.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Oh, the Carnage (The Battle of Swiss Roll Mountain)

(Children, please don't try this at home)
I decided to take matters into my own hands and prepare an arrangement that would allow me to dispose of many ants at once. This very uncovert operation is known by the name of "The Battle of Swiss Roll Mountain."
Operation Swiss Roll is based on the saying, "All is fair in love and war." Since this is a war, I feel no guilt in using underhanded measures to rid my residence of unwanted intruders. Knowing that my ants have an affection toward chocolate chip bread, I decided to use another tasty bread product, a chocolate swiss roll, to entice the army out to fight. And by "fight," I mean to be completely slaughtered without a chance of retaliation.
I placed a piece of swiss roll on a plate and sprinkled it with sugar to get the attention of the little warriors. Pete even went to the extent of taping the plate down to the paper in order to grant them easier access to the roll (for our own purposes, of course).

the bait
I also made a little tape bridge leading up to the cake because it made it feel more like a medieval castle. I then placed pieces of chocolate on the bridge to lure them to the cake roll.

the bridge
I left the bait unattended for about 40 minutes and returned to about 40 ants carrying the booty away. I admit my amazement as I watched these tiny creatures carrying chocolate pieces five times their size. I looked upon them, impressed by their strength and teamwork. I admit it, I admired them.

strong lil' buggers
For a moment I considered relenting from my wrath. Then I thought that many must have admired certain characteristics of Hitler and his ability to command so many followers. This doesn't mean the war efforts against him should have ceased, and so I followed suit.
I left the roll unattended for about another hour, hoping that new recruits would appear and I would have the opportunity to demolish even more of the intruders. To my disappointment, the numbers remained similar. Out of optimism, I left once again for about 30 minutes.
the anticipation of battle
Upon arrival, general estimates showed about 50 ants in the vicinity of the cake, and General Hrvatski decided he could wait no longer.

the army (white paper used for contrast)
The Battle commenced, and many soldiers lost their lives. Any scouts that came to examine the battle or carry off their dead were immediately shot on sight. Pete acted as the scout and I the sniper. He would alert me to new targets, which would immediately be met with a flame of hairspray.

My little ant friends, you did not accept my previous warning. Consider this a display of my utter seriousness regarding your presence in my kitchen. You are not welcome here, and the death toll will continue to rise until you raise the white flag.

Current Death Toll: 71

Monday, June 19, 2006

DIE

This is not so much of a standard blog entry as it is a public declaration of war. Allow me to preface this declaration with the previous entry entitled "Me Against an Army," posted in May. Further experience also leads me to current feelings of anger and violence.
A couple days ago I purchased a tasty loaf of chocolate chip bread. I consumed part of it, closed the opening, and placed it on my kitchen table. The following morning I rose, excited about the chocolate chip bread breakfast that awaited me. To my surprise, upon opening the delectable bread product, I saw an army of ants on the table. Approximately 80 or so of the lil buggers. Fearfully I peered inside the bread package to see the bread appearing to move, the illusion caused by about another hundred ants devouring my breakfast.
Of course my reaction did not allow me time to engage in suitable revenge. In disgust, I threw the bread into the trash can and removed the remainder of soldiers from the table. I let them off pretty easy that time.
Later in the day I say five more ants on the table. They are now dead. Then I saw five more ants. They are dead as well. Any ant that I find in my kitchen or anywhere in my residence, will surely meet his fate. [As I type, I just killed yet another intruder. Current death toll is now 11]. Ants, consider yourselves warned. If I see you, you will surely perish.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Soccer Season

Pete and I went to the island of Murter with Dario and his friend Marko for the weekend. Dario's grandparents live there. On Saturday evening, before watching the U.S. World Cup game, we decided to go play a friendly pick up game of soccer at the local playground.
There were a lot of kids there (around 10-13 years old or so) and we played a game of 6 on six. The four of us older guys were on a team with two youngsters, and the other team was composed solely of Croatian kids. Needless to say, the teams were not evenly matched.
After about an hour of play, I was pretty tired and the game ended. These little kids didn't take it easy on us at all. Not to say that they were double-teaming me or anything (that assumes respect for me as a soccer player), but they were tough. Yes, it's true. Those kiddies put a hurtin on us old guys. Like I said, the teams were not evenly matched.
The final score of the game was unknown (since it was a friendly match), but one thing is certain. I still did not score a goal.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Guns and Purses: Round 2

So, I must admit my facination with those who carry guns and purses at the same time. Granted this particular interest leans toward male specimens, for I believe it is more common for women to carry guns than it is for men to carry purses (perhaps this is an inaccurate perception).
The following depiction occurred in Florence, Italy.



Please notice these ambassadors of the law, men and women alike, proudly sporting white purses, along with their side-arms. I have never been accused of being fashionable, but I just can't condone this sort of ensemble. I am also unable to see any practical purpose (such as intimidation factor) in the existence of these white purses. If extra storage is necessary, may I suggest more cargo pockets, more utility belt compartments, a small backback, or yay, even a fanny pack? I fear the presence of these stark white handbags counteracts any sort of intimidation that a gun may impose.
Although my previous post regarding men who carry guns and purses conveyed some sort of respect for this kind of behavior, my feelings for this particular Italian circumstance are not as favorable. I recognize these protectors of peace most likely have no say in whether they wear white purses or not, so I will try not to direct my attack on them personally. My beef lies with those who instituted mandatory white purses for all officers of the law. You, my friend are not only silly, but also unnecessarily risking the safety of your treasured citizens. Will law reign in a land where its ambassadors' appearances do not demand respect and convey authority?