A Rozy View on Life

I am John Rozelle, hear me ROAR like a dinosaur!

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

The Tale of Krk

My friend Zoran took us on a road trip/adventure to the island of Krk. He is an excellent driver, look how close he got to this tree while parking. I would have run into it for sure.

So Zoran drove us to this cemetary and told us it was the most beautiful place in the world. "Zoran, it's a cemetary," Pete responded, "We just wanted to see the sea."

He then told us that the oldest written manuscript with the word "Croatia" on it, was housed in a church on Krk. Upon arrival, and to our dismay, we discovered the church was closed. Zoran suggested we climb the outer wall, break in, and "borrow" the stone tablet. After much persuasion, we were convinced.
Upon arriving on the other side of the wall, we were met by ferocious guard sheep. They "bbbbaaaahhh"ed at us ferociously, and charged.

This one came after Zoran, but courageously, he fought many sheep and darted to the church. Tim and Pete (having never been attacked by a herd of attack sheep before) did their best to distract the sheep while the "Zo-man" retrieved the ancient stone tablet for our touristing pleasure. I followed Zoran until I was intercepted by a stoney medieval man with a lethaly heavy book used as a blunt object for striking his assailants. Thanks to my previous training as a ninja, I subdued him after only a short while.
Zoran returned with the tablet, and we all rejoiced. The Zo-man proudly presented the goods which he had temporarily borrowed from the church.

I'm not calling him a liar or anything, but I don't see the word "Croatia" anywhere on the tablet. Oh, well. It's better than getting peed on by pigeons.
Being famished after our battle, our guide led us to what he promised as "Our very own boat, where we may be refreshed by the finest edibles Croatia offers." We entered our boat on the sea to be refreshed .

We received the necessary Croatian fuel,

but myself, still being attached to my American roots, demanded something more nourishing:

After recieiving the necessary energy from our boating feast, we continued down the coast for what seemed like at least 12 miles. Tim became exhausted, and from our best assessment, he suffered from a sever case of dehydration. He started speaking gibberish and running around all crazy-like. We tried to stop him, but he ran to a cliff and jumped off.

Although the water was only 2 feet deep (being a resilient young lad), Tim received the hydration he needed and suffered from only a minor cut on his foot.
At this point we decided we had experienced enough adventure for one day and began the journey home. The Zo-man's vehicle was cut off by yet another herd of guard sheep. These sheep appeared different that the others.

Yes, that is correct, they have targets on their wolly bums. Zoran claims they are part of an top secret missile testing agency. The targets are used to determine accuracy of cutting edge technology missiles in their abilty to hit moving targets. Zo-man even claims he saw an agent directing the course of one of these missiles via laptop under a dimly lit lamppost only miles from the siting of these sheep targets. I think he is a little paranoid.
Other current theories suggest the targets are natural birth defects or even genetictly passed down to the sheep's offspring. No one really believes these.
Still others propose that these sheep do not really exist, and are only ghosts of sheep that were once used at archery contests in previous centuries. Legend holds that these ghost sheep terrorize the kin of ancient archery champions whom used sheep boo-hinds for target practice.
The list of possible explanations continues. If you are aware of other potential theories, please share them.
At one point on the drive home, we had to make a pit stop. As we wandered through the town searching for a appropriate location to urinate, we encountered a large, accordian player, who aggressively ran toward us (recognizing our superior good looks and feeling threatened by them) and yelled at us violently. We ran though the back streets and came upon a narrow walkway that was sure to block access of our hefty attacker.

Our escape was successful, and our trip continued on. The car ride was generally safe, despite the meteorite storm we encountered. I apologize that there are no pictures, Zoran got knocked uncouscious for about 5 minutes, and I had to steer from the passenger's seat. We returned home safe and sound, delighting in the adventure that lay behind us.


  • At 3:02 PM, Blogger Alexis said…

    This is a nice piece of historical fiction. By the way, nice 'hawk. We were discussing it this afternoon and unanimously decided it suits you very well. And thanks for the props on Continental- you are one of the very few who even know what most of it is about.

  • At 3:08 PM, Blogger Taylor said…

    Wow, John. I think you might be the weirdest guy I know. :) But also very creative... An over active imagination, I tell you.

  • At 11:58 AM, Blogger John Rozelle said…

    Sorry to deceive you, Taylor. This story is based on true events and not a figment of my imagination. That's what the pictures are for-verification of true events. Thank you for the "compliment" though.

  • At 2:39 PM, Blogger Zoran said…

    I guess I have a partial amnesia from the meteor shower, or is from driving off the cliff when evading sheep missiles?

    There's no denying that we had great time.

    Here's something for your cultural and historical growth:


    The best part of Baška tablet, in reference to forementioned denying:

    "If anyone denies it, let him be cursed by 12 Apostles and 4 evangelists and St. Lucy."

    Well we have to apologize those old Croats for not having a lot of finesse in written works :)

  • At 8:28 PM, Blogger Matt Mikalatos said…

    I would like to say that I find this whole story not only completely engaging, but also obviously completely true. I am looking forward to visiting Croatia in the near future. I trust we will have a similar experience.

  • At 7:21 AM, Blogger SubMantha said…

    This tale, while completely engaging, did not quite capture Tim and Pete's heroic acts whilst you and Zoran battled the elements. I would really like to see a sequel co-authored by your fellow adventurers.


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